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  What people are saying about

  Malibu Motel

  Malibu Motel explores the darkest places one is willing to go to when all they care about is money. Having it. Possessing it. Living a good life and not wanting to work for it. Dark and seedy, this is a cautionary tale and the writing portrays that mood perfectly...This isn’t a story you read to your children at night. This is a story I would recommend only to those brave enough to delve into the dark.

  Southern Today Gone Tomorrow

  A compelling read that perfectly captures the frailty of human nature.

  January Gray Reviews

  An intensely readable riches-to-rags story, Malibu Motel will have you gripped till the last page.

  Bridget McNulty, Now Novel

  In the world of money, sex, drugs, and plastic friends, being the big fish doesn’t put you in charge of the pond, it makes you the mark.

  Joseph Spuckler, Evilcyclist

  Chaunceton Bird has created a fantastic story in Malibu Motel... A stunning and visceral look into the high stakes world of big money and the risks taken by the wealthy elite.

  Anthony Avina, Edge of Sanity

  It’s true what they say: the higher you climb, the harder you fall. A gripping novel based on true events that will keep you engrossed until the last page.

  Amy Williams, Tomes with Tea

  Absolutely Fantastic! Definitely worth the read!

  Erik McManus, Breakeven Books

  Exquisite is an understatement.

  Tee Wai, Biblichor

  Malibu Motel is an unflinching account of life lived in the fast lane; a true modern-day rags to riches and back again story. Caish Calloway is the absolute opposite of a traditional hero—a selfish, entitled individual who thinks of little more than money, sex, drugs, and alcohol. Despite these obvious problems, you still can’t help but wish Caish luck in the quest to reclaim former wealth and escape the clutches of extreme poverty. From start to finish, Malibu Motel is a real roller coaster ride and a story that keeps you turning page after page!

  Lorna Holland, The Writing Greyhound

  Brilliantly Entertaining. A story that will show you that greed really can cost too much.

  Stacey Garrity, Whispering Stories

  Malibu Motel is an absorbing read that explores the murky depths of society and humanity. The writing in Malibu Motel is agile, and intersperses simple liveliness of style with passages that are dark and reflective. It’s the kind of book you can’t put down.

  Kalyan Panja, Travtasy

  Malibu Motel

  A Novel Based on a True Story

  Malibu Motel

  A Novel Based on a True Story

  Chaunceton Bird

  Winchester, UK

  Washington, USA

  First published by Zero Books, 2019

  Zero Books is an imprint of John Hunt Publishing Ltd., No. 3 East St., Alresford, Hampshire SO24 9EE, UK

  [email protected]

  www.johnhuntpublishing.com

  www.zero-books.net

  For distributor details and how to order please visit the ‘Ordering’ section on our website.

  Text copyright: Chaunceton Bird 2018

  ISBN: 978 1 78904 172 9

  978 1 78904 173 6 (ebook)

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2018946923

  All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers.

  The rights of Chaunceton Bird as author have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  Design: Stuart Davies

  UK: Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY

  US: Printed and bound by Thomson-Shore, 7300 West Joy Road, Dexter, MI 48130

  We operate a distinctive and ethical publishing philosophy in all areas of our business, from our global network of authors to production and worldwide distribution.

  To Averie

  One ship drives east and another drives west

  With the self-same winds that blow;

  ‘Tis the set of the sails

  And not the gales

  That tells them the way to go.

  Like the winds of the sea are the winds of fate,

  As we voyage along through the life;

  ‘Tis the set of the soul

  That decides its goal,

  And not the calm or the strife.

  Ella Wheeler Wilcox

  Contents

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  Epilogue

  Cover

  Half Title

  Title

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Contents

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  Epilogue

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  Guide

  Cover

  Half Title

  Title

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Contents

  Start of Content

  Epilogue

  1

  Money can buy happiness. Money is happiness. Money gives happiness a run for its money.

  Don’t let the poor tell you differently. Enough money can buy long-lasting comfort, security, and liberty. People just don’t realize how much happiness costs. So, when their tiny budgets can’t afford it, they tell themselves and others that the only ways to true happiness are through religion and having babies that mercilessly scream through the night and soil themselves hourly. “Oh but the good times outweigh the bad,” they say with bags under their bloodshot eyes, disheveled in every way, hair turning gray.

  What they mean to say is, a little bit of money can’t buy happiness: a $50,000 car payment and a $500,000 mortgage is not happiness, it’s slavery. But a $15,000,000 mansion and a stable full of exotic cars, without a drop of debt, that is happiness. Who better to speak on the link between money and happiness than me—who once lived with nothing, and now pays servants to wipe the ocean’s salt off my beachfront house? I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich, and I can honestly say I am happier rich.

  Which is why I’m anxious about today’s meeting with Jamie T. Lowell, founder and managing partner of Green Mountain Investment Group. Lately, I’ve had a pinch of bad luck. Some of my businesses have entered into dire financial straits, and I may have overreached on a few recent car purchases. My a
ccountant, Mindy, has done nothing to help my deteriorating financial condition (other than the trite advice to stop spending money), and my hope has been waning. But then I met Penn. Her name is actually Penelope, but, as I have repeatedly told her, four syllables in a first name is offensive, and I refuse to entertain such nonsense.

  We met a couple weeks ago at a house party. Just bumped into each other. She asked, so I told her about my financial problems. As chance would have it, she had the solution. She told me about this new investment venture called Green Mountain that had given her remarkable returns. As a prudent investor, I wanted to spend time googling Green Mountain and several financial terms (searches like “what in God’s name is a put option?”) before making any serious decisions. Green Mountain’s Wikipedia page showed that Green Mountain was a Fortune 500 company with hundreds of millions of dollars in annual net income. Most of the listed executives did not have their own Wikipedia entries, but the entry for founder and managing partner, Jamie T. Lowell, was thorough and impressive.

  I also ran the opportunity past Mindy. She advised against it, but then that’s what I had come to expect from her. Mindy is the type of conformist who goes to UCLA because society tells her she needs a college degree to make money, then spends the rest of her mediocre life advising us changemakers how not to spend ours. I was wise enough to avoid college entirely. Mindy’s advice was to not invest with Green Mountain because she hadn’t heard of it. As if she is a financial oracle who knows of all legitimate investment management corporations. She’s not even an investment expert, she’s an accountant. I don’t know why I brought it up in the first place.

  The bottom line is that I am hemorrhaging cash, and Penn presented an opportunity to reverse that.

  One cannot simply call Green Mountain and set up an appointment. It’s all very prestigious. Invite only. And Penn was my way in. A few days ago we went to lunch at Neptune’s Net and I got what I needed: a one-on-one appointment with Jamie T. Lowell.

  Penn was eager to tell me about Green Mountain’s platinum-plated package of low-risk double-digit returns and money-back guarantees—which, I admit, seemed too good to be true. A money-back guarantee for any unrealized gain in the first six months? What in the hell kind of investment firm would guarantee your money back? Penn said that it was the company’s way of expressing their confidence. Green Mountain was unsinkable, and had such substantial capital reserves that they would always be able to buoy up a client through any unlikely loss. And I knew she wasn’t lying because I read the same thing on Green Mountain’s Wikipedia page (almost word-for-word the way Penn described it). Green Mountain really was making more money than the Federal Reserve.

  But how much of Green Mountain’s earnings do investors see? I asked Penn for some hard numbers.

  She told me that she started two years ago with a $500,000 investment in a Green Mountain “long-short” hedge fund. Within a year, her initial investment had grown to $825,000, so she added another $500,000. To date, after just over two years, she has made well over half a million dollars. Penn even pulled up Green Mountain’s Investment Tracker App on her phone and showed me proof of these incredible gains. Lots of green lines, triangles, and numbers showed me that she wasn’t lying.

  At the end of our lunch, Penn offered to call Green Mountain and line me up with Jamie T. Lowell.

  Which brings me to today. This morning I put on my most expensive clothes and my best pair of Louis Vuitton shoes. It’s important to make a positive first impression with any distinguished individual. Jamie T. Lowell is just such a person. I might make a lot of money with Green Mountain, and I don’t want to leave anything to chance.